I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it's like iHOP with fire
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants