Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore

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  (631): I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore http://tfl.nu/upfn
  Replies (9) Good night (1137) Bad night (2152)
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  (347): View more from New York

  Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one

  (347): View more from New York

  Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...

  (802): View more from Vermont

  do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.

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  (347): Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one (347): Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy... (802): do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy. http://tfl.nu/wg4e
  Replies (43) Good night (3300) Bad night (1014)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.

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  (469): You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that. http://tfl.nu/9raa
  Replies (12) Good night (5658) Bad night (812)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!

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  (631): Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade! http://tfl.nu/mpw5
  Replies (30) Good night (782) Bad night (3778)
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  (585): View more from New York

  you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it

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  (585): you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it http://tfl.nu/37fg
  Replies (17) Good night (4684) Bad night (1378)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.

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  (314): The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll. http://tfl.nu/0tct
  Replies (4) Good night (1257) Bad night (2608)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?

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  (303): The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them? http://tfl.nu/7mcl
  Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (2455)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.

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  (919): Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home. http://tfl.nu/79vz
  Replies (9) Good night (1554) Bad night (1288)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..

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  (250): She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame.. http://tfl.nu/q158
  Replies (3) Good night (1234) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.

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  (631): My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did. http://tfl.nu/km7t
  Replies (3) Good night (1607) Bad night (1217)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?

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  (231): Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again? http://tfl.nu/uf7o
  Replies (5) Good night (582) Bad night (816)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.

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  (250): You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you. http://tfl.nu/tyfl
  Replies (10) Good night (1405) Bad night (616)
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  (530): View more from California

  hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back

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  (530): hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back http://tfl.nu/8xnm
  Replies (1) Good night (734) Bad night (338)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.

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  (612): I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist. http://tfl.nu/coy1
  Replies (2) Good night (577) Bad night (382)
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  (858): View more from California

  2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.

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  (858): 2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass. http://tfl.nu/03qu
  Replies (3) Good night (187) Bad night (273)

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