Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"