Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.