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come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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