i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
