Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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