the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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