hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
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then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
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You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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