Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
