dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
