Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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