How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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