Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
