she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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