i dedicated my morning wood to you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
