Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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