I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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