i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
