I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I pour the whiskey from now on
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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