three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she pinky promised me she was 18
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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