Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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