Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
