I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
