sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
