I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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