meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
