I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
