Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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