His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
