Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
