Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
