is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
