I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
