so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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