You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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