I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize