Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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