so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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