i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
