I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
