if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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