told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
