Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
