no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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