I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
