He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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