His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
