If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just took my morning after pill in the library
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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