And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
