i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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