so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i came on her dog
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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