woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
