My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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