I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
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Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.