You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
nutella sex= disaster
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!