Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.