Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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