Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
