im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
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he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
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I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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