I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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