Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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