i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
