that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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