Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
