I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
