then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
