1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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